There are many lessons in life I have learned, and none have been as painful as learning that I can’t control what others think of me and my family. I was, at one time, so caught up in what others thought of me, that when a beloved, treasured friend of mine, believed something very serious about a family member, I was devastated. I spiraled into a depression and anxiety that lasted for several years. I couldn’t get close to anyone and I didn’t think anyone would want to be around me, either. I couldn’t go a single day without severe pain in my heart and soul. I was stuck in a downward spiral of negative thoughts until I didn’t even know if I could handle another day. It was just too painful to move forward.
After much prayer concerning this topic, I came to the realization that I had allowed Satan to be in about 99% of my thoughts. I believed just about any negative thought Satan put into my head. I had to change. I had to gain some spiritual muscle to rise above negative thoughts. If Satan was telling me that I was bad or worthless, I was going to believe the exact opposite. Every attack was going to be countered by a positive thought and the words,
I don’t believe it! I am a good person! My family is full of good people! It’s ok to make mistakes!
I countered it every time! And you know what? It only took me 1 week to get over my negative thoughts from that situation and to gain control over my thoughts.
At that same time, I had been listening to the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. At the lunch break, I was cooking and listening to an uplifting commercial. I heard the words,
I am confident in the approval of my Savior.
I don’t know who said it or why, but that became my mantra. To me it meant, “I am letting go of the approval of man and believing that the Savior approves of me.” That’s all I needed to know. Christ knows what is true for me, even better than I do. He knows my situation. He knows my friend’s situation. He loves both of us. He loves all of us, perfectly. He doesn’t take sides, He loves us anyway. What if the worst had actually happened? Would that have changed Christ’s love for any of us? Does it matter what anyone else thinks? We don’t know everything, but Christ does!
I have worked from that moment on, to build my relationship with the Savior. My love and acceptance of everyone is growing. I can love. I can be loved. I don’t need to let what others think of me become who I am.
I have learned that no matter how much you love someone, no matter how hard you work to serve them or try to gain a friendship, no matter how good you are, you have no control over what they may think about you or anyone else. You cannot insure or earn that kind of power.
The good news is that it doesn’t matter what other people think. They have the right to think whatever they want, and you are off the hook. Don’t try to get other’s to think what you want them to think. They see life through their own lenses. They are 100% responsible for their own thoughts or as my friend said,
Don’t worry about what other’s think about you, that’s their own problem.
Now on the flip side, you are 100% responsible for your own thoughts and you see life through your own lens as well. That is good news! You can choose to see others in the most positive light. You can choose to not be tied to anyone else’s opinion but the opinion of the Savior.
I want to share a tool that I learned from one of my mentors, Becky Edwards, in the Life On Purpose program. This has made a great difference in my life. I call it the Self-Forgiveness Tool.
Permission to Love 