Month: December 2020

Posted in Permission to Love

Thought Change Challenge #1- Be Your Own Best Friend

Posted on by aliciaqb

Your words are Powerful. The words of others are powerful. Everything you think, everything you believe, plants a seed and grows into an idea that will eventually affect how you do thing and how you see things in the future. Even from when you were a child, you do things now because of what you learned or thought clear back then.

Let’s think about your own self-talk? Do you say kind things to yourself? How would you react if someone said those same thing to one of your children? 

“You are not good enough!” 

“You are getting fatter and you’re getting more gray hairs. You shouldn’t have eaten that second piece of cake. You’re probably going to gain 5 pounds tomorrow!” 

“You were the worst parent! You’re probably going to ruin your child’s life!”

I’m pretty sure if we even heard someone talking to another person that way, we would think it was abusive and inappropriate. It’s almost laughable! Get my point? You shouldn’t be abusing yourself that way either.

Clint, you’re not a problem, I think you’re drummer.

Mr Jensen

As you are think about this video, think about the impact Mr Jensen’s words had on Clint Pulver’s life. They were so powerful!

Imagine if you were your own Mr Jensen and you told yourself things like,

“I am doing good things for the world.”

“I’m learning that so fast!”

“I love that about myself!”

“I am awesome!”

Would your world change? Would you be able to do more things without self- doubt and fear? Would you be able to be a Mr Jensen for everyone else around you?

My first challenge is to listen to your self-talk. Write down what you are hearing and then write down how you can change your messages to positive self-building messages. Dare to believe the opposite of your own negative self-talk.

Self-Talk Swap ToolDownload

There’s a difference between being the best in the world and being the best for the world!

Clint Pulver
Posted in Permission to Love

Take the Thought Change Challenge

Posted on by aliciaqb

I recently had an opportunity to visit Pompeii in Italy. As I walked down the stone paved streets, I couldn’t help but notice huge ruts in the roads. These ruts were gradually worn from years of wheels going down the same paths of countless vehicles, day after day. From my perspective, it didn’t look like a vehicle could choose a different path with how worn the path already was. It was easy to know and predict where flow of traffic went day after day.

As I was thinking about it, if those deep ruts in the roads of Pompeii were to be fixed, each worn stone would have to be replaced with a new stone. It would take effort and strength and purpose to lift the old stones out and replace them with a new stones. Just think how easy the way would be if that were to be done. Travelers could take a new paths and try new ways to go. 

Our minds work much the same way. In order to change old thought patterns, we must replace them with new thought patterns. These new thoughts make new paths that take us down better roads. Life is just easier. Most of us have gone down thought paths so often that deep ruts have formed in our mind’s pathways that we automatically go down whenever we fall into certain situations. We often want to change these pathways but we don’t know how.

A few of my personal ruts have looked like, anxiety when it’s my week to play the organ, a belief that I can’t write or speak well, thinking life would be easier if I had no responsibilities, tryingand worrying about what others think of me. These ruts have been such stumbling blocks for me, keeping me from accomplishing the things that I want to do and the things I want to change. I have been working very hard to get rid of the ruts in my life and to go to the place I want to be mentally and emotionally. I have worked hard to repave my thinking habits and in doing this I have found greater joy.

I challenge you to change your thoughts. It is going to take spiritual and emotional muscle, but I would like to invite you to join me over the course of my next few posts in learning how to take responsibility for your thoughts. I will share tools that will help change your thought patterns. Some of your challenges in life will disappear simply by thinking about life in a new way. You also will be able to feel greater joy and less stress. I can’t say that your circumstances will change, but I can say that you can change in your circumstances and life will be better all the way around!

Change your THOUGHTS and you change your WORLD…

Norman Vincent Peale
Posted in Permission to Love

Learning, Growth, and Opportunity

Posted on by jenqw

Last night I found myself crying. I cried over time lost. Opportunity lost. I cried over what I saw as failure. I ranted. I prayed asking a specific question. I cried again. I felt hopeless. I prayed again. I went to sleep. This morning I woke up to a feeling of hope and a thought came to my mind. I was reminded of a very difficult time in my life. It happened close to 6 years ago. 4 out of 8 members of my family were in crisis mode. I could see no future for a couple of them. I felt like I was walking through my life numb and hopeless. I didn’t want to feel too much because feeling hurt. One day I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I understood what it meant to have a broken heart. Mine was, and it hurt to breathe. I dropped down to my knees and asked the only thing I could think of asking, “is it all going to turn out ok?” I immediately felt a warm sense of peace come over me. I knew that it would be ok. I didn’t know when, but I knew it would. This defining moment in my life started me on a path of healing and learning. Like other times in my life, I was reminded that the greatest growth comes when we are so broken, so hurt, that we are willing to turn it all over to that Great Father in Heaven who has the power to do all things. Our loving Savior atoned for our sins, weakness, pain… All of it. Through this miracle, we have the opportunity to progress. As with all good things, the transformation for myself and the others in my home took time. It’s ongoing still. We are never “done” progressing. As I understand it, Hell is a condition. It happens when our progress is stopped.

So what did I learn? So much. I’ll share a small portion here. I learned that while it looked as if my family members were completely blowing it, they weren’t. They were being given a learning opportunity. Wow, doesn’t that sound more hopeful than a mistake, or they are messing up royally? When I can look at myself and others with the thought, “they are having a learning opportunity,” I can begin to see myself and those around me as God sees us. A visual comes to my mind of my child as a baby just learning to walk. I remember having my husband on one end of the room letting go of our child and I on the other encouraging that baby to walk to me. My arms are extended with a huge smile on my face. That baby starts forward and is wobbly, sometimes she falls. I can see myself telling her she can do it and helping her back up. As she gets closer, I lean in to help her as she wobbles into my arms. The excitement and joy of that moment are on all of our faces. Do we berate that child when she falls? Of course not. Do we say things like, “why can’t you figure this out already? Are you ever going to walk? Other kids pick this up faster than you?” No, that’s ridiculous. But we are that child learning to walk. All of us on this journey in life are that child. We have loving Heavenly Parents who are encouraging us to “get back up and try again.” They rejoice when we make progress. Progress is often slow. Do we notice that progress in ourselves and others? Do we rejoice when even just a little is made? We all know when we aren’t quite living up to our best selves. I no longer point out the mistakes of those around me. Instead, I ask them, “did you learn something from this experience?” “Good, that means it was worth it!”

We are in the season of celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Let us take this amazing opportunity to start seeing ourselves and others as God sees us. Let us recognize that every thing we experience is a learning opportunity. Let us feel the joy, hope, and love that are ours if we choose. LET”S CHOOSE LIGHT!!!

…I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

John 8:12

Posted in Permission to Love

Is it Right? Is it Good? Does it Make Sense?

Posted on by jenqw

Do you ever do something because that’s what everyone is doing? That’s how you were taught to do it? You’ve always done it that way?

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Albert Einstein

Early this morning I had a strange dream. When I woke from it, I felt I needed to share it and my insights in a blog post. I could have gone with a current events theme but I decided that a parenting/mentoring theme would work better for our blog.

In my dream, there was a large get together at what appeared to be my parents home. Everyone was laughing and having a great time together. I was slowly being made aware of a game that was being played. I wanted to join in and learned that we were to go outside and sit in the woods. The longer the game players were out there, the more points were received. As I walked outside, I heard people yelling out numbers in increments of 4’s. 32, 4, 16, 40… As I approached, I asked why increments of 4? No one knew, someone just started counting that way and they all followed. I noticed that everyone was spaced out several feet and asked why. Once again, no one really knew why, they just started doing it that way. As I looked for somewhere to sit, I saw that there wasn’t a comfortable place on the ground. I sat down and realized how cold it was and that it was getting dark. I asked why no one had a chair or blanket to sit on. Some didn’t know, some said it wasn’t too bad, others said it was a rule of the game. When does the game end? What do you get if you get the most points? Apparently, the game ended when someone told them to stop. No one knew what the prize was but they were sure it was something good. I decided I didn’t want to be a part of this game. It wasn’t fun. I was cold and uncomfortable. Would the prize even be worth it? The questions came to me: Is it right? Is it good? Does it make sense? I headed back to the house to be a part of the enjoyment going on inside. On entering, I immediately noticed how warm it was. I saw a white doorknob that when I tried, found it locked. I jiggled and tugged repeatedly to no avail. How was I to get in the room where I could hear everyone enjoying themselves? I finally knocked and asked to be let in. Immediately, the door opened. I found everyone inside smiling, talking, laughing, enjoying… It was easy to see that there was no need for points. Everyone in the room won by just being there. Arbitrary rules were not needed.

What does this have to do with anything? In our lives, we are asked to do many things and take on many different roles. How often do we do those things without any real thought or questions? Should we question?

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

Matthew 7:7

Of course we should question. Our Heavenly Father wants us to question. We will not find answers if we don’t first start with a question. We can’t learn to hear God’s voice unless we wonder what He sounds like or what He might say to us.

I am the mom of 6 children. Well into my parenting journey, I could see that things were not going like I had planned. I was parenting all of my children the exact same way. It was the way I was parented. It worked for my parents so it should work for me. Right?f Well it didn’t. My children are VERY individual. I read many parenting books and tried all sorts of different things. It wasn’t until I was desperate and actually asked in prayer what I should do that life got better in my home. I started noticing that while one child liked to talk everything out, another would only talk on her terms. One child did well with consequences while the other was very impulsive and consequences would most always lead to failure. For the child with impulsivity, every little improvement that was noticed and praised worked best.

When my oldest child was young, she had difficulty getting chores done. I thought she just didn’t want to do them. I would get angry and would nag and push her to finish. She was often in tears and things never got done unless I did it myself. One day I decided to try something different. First, I noticed that she was overwhelmed and didn’t know where to start. Second, she didn’t like to be alone. My thought was to turn it into a game. I would tell her to pick up all the clothes in the room. She’d do it and ask what was next. Books. Next. Stuffed animals. Soon the room was clean and both of us were happy. Questioning and seeking for a better way changed both of us.

Take the time to look at your life and the things going on in it. Ask questions. Is it right? Is it good? Does it make sense? Maybe some additional questions. Am I feeling joy? Are my relationships loving? Can I see one place to make a change right now?

Challenge

*Look for something in your life that isn’t going well. Maybe something that seems to be a pattern.

*What question could you ask to make a change? Write the question down in your journal. Pray for an answer to that specific question.