Last night I found myself crying. I cried over time lost. Opportunity lost. I cried over what I saw as failure. I ranted. I prayed asking a specific question. I cried again. I felt hopeless. I prayed again. I went to sleep. This morning I woke up to a feeling of hope and a thought came to my mind. I was reminded of a very difficult time in my life. It happened close to 6 years ago. 4 out of 8 members of my family were in crisis mode. I could see no future for a couple of them. I felt like I was walking through my life numb and hopeless. I didn’t want to feel too much because feeling hurt. One day I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I understood what it meant to have a broken heart. Mine was, and it hurt to breathe. I dropped down to my knees and asked the only thing I could think of asking, “is it all going to turn out ok?” I immediately felt a warm sense of peace come over me. I knew that it would be ok. I didn’t know when, but I knew it would. This defining moment in my life started me on a path of healing and learning. Like other times in my life, I was reminded that the greatest growth comes when we are so broken, so hurt, that we are willing to turn it all over to that Great Father in Heaven who has the power to do all things. Our loving Savior atoned for our sins, weakness, pain… All of it. Through this miracle, we have the opportunity to progress. As with all good things, the transformation for myself and the others in my home took time. It’s ongoing still. We are never “done” progressing. As I understand it, Hell is a condition. It happens when our progress is stopped.
So what did I learn? So much. I’ll share a small portion here. I learned that while it looked as if my family members were completely blowing it, they weren’t. They were being given a learning opportunity. Wow, doesn’t that sound more hopeful than a mistake, or they are messing up royally? When I can look at myself and others with the thought, “they are having a learning opportunity,” I can begin to see myself and those around me as God sees us. A visual comes to my mind of my child as a baby just learning to walk. I remember having my husband on one end of the room letting go of our child and I on the other encouraging that baby to walk to me. My arms are extended with a huge smile on my face. That baby starts forward and is wobbly, sometimes she falls. I can see myself telling her she can do it and helping her back up. As she gets closer, I lean in to help her as she wobbles into my arms. The excitement and joy of that moment are on all of our faces. Do we berate that child when she falls? Of course not. Do we say things like, “why can’t you figure this out already? Are you ever going to walk? Other kids pick this up faster than you?” No, that’s ridiculous. But we are that child learning to walk. All of us on this journey in life are that child. We have loving Heavenly Parents who are encouraging us to “get back up and try again.” They rejoice when we make progress. Progress is often slow. Do we notice that progress in ourselves and others? Do we rejoice when even just a little is made? We all know when we aren’t quite living up to our best selves. I no longer point out the mistakes of those around me. Instead, I ask them, “did you learn something from this experience?” “Good, that means it was worth it!”
We are in the season of celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Let us take this amazing opportunity to start seeing ourselves and others as God sees us. Let us recognize that every thing we experience is a learning opportunity. Let us feel the joy, hope, and love that are ours if we choose. LET”S CHOOSE LIGHT!!!
…I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
John 8:12
Permission to Love 